Seriously, what is it about us?

I am writing this to know genuinely your thoughts. So please feel free to post them here on my comments, start a discussion.

Are Human Beings truly capable of monogamy? And are people in the theatre community more prone to infidelity?

OK, for starters, this is not an indictment of anyone in particular, this is something I have wonder for sometime, since it has been something I personally struggled with, and as I reach a point in my life where I do want to think long term, I want to know if I am deluding myself.

Now of course, infidelity is not anything new, and I know it happens out there in the world in general.  But "the life we lead" in the theatre seems to create many more opportunities, i mean look where I am now,  living, working, playing with a group of people in close quarters.  And its a group of mostly above average looking people.  We have all put our lives on hold at home, leaving behind the day jobs, and the families and for most, a "significant other" (gods, I really don't like that expression)

So you have all these pretty people spending almost every waking moment together, sometimes under a lot of pressure to get the show up quickly and that pressure has to be vented out someway, right?

Do I need to draw you a map here?

I used to think it was perfectly normal to "recreate" that way.  I mean, its physical right? You like someone one, and you attracted to each other, why not? I have only been in what most would call an ongoing monogamous relationship once or twice in my life. I was seeing someone once for almost a year and a half, and while, i was only seeing her, I knew she was seeing at least one other person,  but  he didn't know about me (well he knew me, but at the time didn't really know, or didn't want to know the extent of our relationship)

Since that ended tho - my relationship barometer has really been knocked out of whack, so I forced boundaries up.  I swear, I used to be a very charming, dare I even say it, I was pretty damn smooth.  But in the past couple of years I have been wanting more, and so I have put down the airs, as it were, just trying to be myself, so that when I meet that person out there, they know what they are getting into, (obligatory evil laugh)

Wow  that went an entirely different direction than I started with, which was Monogamy, So I want to stay on that topic, lets explore my own self confidence issues another time huh?

So why do theatre people have such issues, keeping it zipped up, huh?  Especially on tours, summer stock type situations?  Is the forced isolation to blame?  Really can we blame boredom? Loneliness? Alcohol?  Or is it something in the artistic character, Our need for love and attention on some level that drives us to fill ourselves with the emotional placebo of the hook up? 

Is this just a rant from someone who is not getting any? Maybe?  I don't begrudge anyone their fun? I have been there. Is this age and experience talking?  I have had all these experiences, and I am watching people make the same mistakes I made in my youth, should I tell them directly what I think?

Anyway,  just wondering your thoughts on the matter....

discuss!

UP NEXT...   BACK TO THE STAGE, ANOTHER OPENING AND...  CHRISTMAS?

Comments

[Kate]

As far as I see it (and I didn't always see it this way) Monogamy is a choice. It isn't always easy, "natural" or consistently sexy, but for me, my committment to my partner is one of my greatest accomplishments to date. There's something powerfully beautiful in really sticking to a promise. Do we still look at other people? Of Course, we're not dead. Does being a theater person make it harder? Sure. But in this disposable world of ours I'm glad to know that at least one thing in my life is in it for the long haul.

[David]

OK I am not trying to start rumors here, So let me say this, That the monogamy issue is between me and someone else who is not at the Weathervane, and is not in theatre. That being said, she is married, we had a thing a few years ago when I didn't know she was married, She recently resurfaced in my life... I have decided it best not to continue any romantic relationship.

[Cristin]

Hmm. Being as we're working together, I'm wondering who you're referring to specifically! I know that the issue of monogamy is one that has certainly come up in discussions a lot this summer. I also have a pretty good idea what has gone on and what hasn't this summer with various parties and I also know that a lot of people have made a lot of assumptions that aren't actually true (very possibly about me!). There are lines - dotted lines and solid lines that people set for themselves in terms of what contitutes "cheating". For me, the issue is short term vs. long term and I know that my intense relationships here are short term and not worth jepordizing my long term plans and relationships! Anyway, life is a funny thing and everyone has needs and desires. How they choose to fulfull them is kind of their own business, so long as they're not fucking people over.

[David]

Well I hope its a good wine, Jennie... And yes, I was thinking about the fact that I am mostly surrounded by theatre folks, so there for my sampling data would be skewed(AM I A GEEK OR WHAT?)And to be honest,in my two biggest moments of infidelity the only theatrical person was me. So maybe I am just transfering my own emotional insecurities on to those around me. I certainly don't deny that there is cheating going on out there in rest of the world, but does any else out there seem to see that there is an expectation for it to happen in theatre and for it to be OK, "OH,it was summer stock, what happens at the Spuces stays at the Spruces" (for those that don't know, the Spruces is company housing in NH) Dan - I think you aright about our generation, with our instant gratifcation, disposable everything society, Love is seen as just one more pre-package serving to consume, and throw away by some.

[Jennie]

hmmm. well , i am committing a cardinal internet sin: TWI (typing while intoxicated). why am intoxicated (and typing and by myself) at 8 pm at night do you ask? because the person i am monogamous with is at a theatre in St. Louis right now. so i am addressing this monogamy-in-theatre issue while currently experiencing its frustruations firsthand. and yet i have to say, i don't at all feel like running off and being with anyone else right now. and i have a pretty good feeling he doesn't either. I just trust him and i love him and i feel content (although a bit sexually frustruated and lonely - hence the wine). what i am getting at is that even though we are away from eachother and he is with a cast of hotties, i don't think cheating is exclusive to theatre life. maybe we are noticing the monogamy issues with theatre people (i am speaking to david and the collective "we" of theatre people reading this blog) because these are the people we spend our time with. but the cheating is everywhere. EVERYWHERE!! look at divorce rates! politicians, teachers, priests(!?!) -- they all are cheatin'! i think it is really special when two people really commit to making it work. i think that happens. i belive that it can happen and it can work, and also think that it is just as likely to work or not work in any other career. people are animals and easily capable of giving in to instincts - sexual urges, etc. we make difficult choices every day. being monogamous is a daily choice. i think it is easier to choose monogamy when you feel confident in yourself and your partner. when i lack trust in someone i am less likely to put stock in them and turn down other people for them. but when i feel strong about them and how they feel about me, i will make it a point not to put myself in situations where i could be tempted. i won't hang out with my straight boy friends alone, etc. i know myself well enough to know that i have to make a conscious decision every day to be faithful. and i do it. it is worth it to me. blah blah blah! in summary - monogamy - tough but doable with the right person. cheating - not exclusive to theatrefolk. back to the wine.

[Daniel]

I believe its our generation that isn't truly satisfied with Monogomy. We are so used to having things our way, quickly and telling everyone how we feel...and if they don't listen then we're disrespected as a result. Well with that being said, we change our minds and go in many different directions as quickly as the wind changes direction. We're capable of monogomy...I just, really don't believe all of us truly want it. I for one...believe I have ADD. I get bored quickly and need things to change all the time. That's played a role in my length of employment at various places. Two to three years is really my max. I can't even fathom what my life would be like if I was 1. Able to find a woman that I could tolerate to spend more than a couple days with, or 2. Be faithful to her due to my ever internal struggle to want something new. Somehow I feel I'm not the only person with these private little revolutions...